The doctor’s office waiting room is arguably the most miserable room on the face of the planet. More miserable than a room that loops Nickelback’s Photograph indefinitely. More miserable than a room where you have to listen to two people argue theology. Even more miserable than a room where you are forced to converse with Bill Belichick for fifteen minutes.

I think the experience could be enhanced, though, if we were all on the same page. That is why I’m proposing this list of 7 Waiting Room Commandments be posted on the front door of every doctor’s office in America:

1. Thou shalt round down when recording what time you got there, in order to get a leg up on your “competition”.

2. Thou shalt not offend the receptionist by actually speaking to her. She has way more important things to do…like avoid talking to you.

3. Thou shalt not make eye contact with others, especially if you’re at the OBGYN with you’re wife and you see a high school girl that babysits your kids.

4. Thou shalt choose your chair wisely. Arbitrarily switching seats mid-stay is more awkward than that guy sitting across from you with the face nipple.

5. Thou shalt suck it up and read WebMD and Type II Diabetes pamphlets until that jerk surrenders the room’s only Us Weekly. Oh, and if he tries to take it back into the room, thou shalt take any measure to prevent that from happening.

6. Thou shalt not talk to anyone. Tis better to appear rude than get in a discussion about the reason you’re there (Note: If the silent treatment fails, detailing your bowel problems is the quickest way to terminate any conversation).

7. Thou shalt pay your co-pay with confidence, even though you’re not entirely sure what a co-pay is.

8. Thou shalt not laugh at the suckers who are still in the waiting room as you’re leaving. Sure, you outsmarted them by rounding down the time you got there, but you will eventually be found out. Believe me.

Any commandments I missed? Let me know in the comments.

I’ve also taken a similar approach to enhance our experiences at the dentist, at public pools, on the phone, and at the beach.
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©2009 tylerstanton.com. All Rights Reserved.

Technorati Tags: Doctor's Office, Us Weekly, Waiting Room

Mom: (flipping through channels) It is so hot outside. Ooo– I love this show.

Friend’s Mom: Me too! The Sugarbakers remind me so much of me and my sisters.

Kids: All finished with lunch Mom. We’re ready to go back to the pool!

Mom: What? Already? (side glancing at Designing Women on the television) Y’all are going to need to, um, wait about… thirty minutes.

Kids: Aw, Mom! Why?

Mom: (still side glancing at television) Um… medical reasons. Something having to do with digestion.

Kids: That doesn’t sound ri–

Mom: It is right, OK smarty pants? I read somewhere that food causes… (Trails off and snickers at something Dixie Carter just said to Delta Burke)

Kids: Fine!

Kids run back into the kitchen.

Mom: (looking at Friend’s Mom) What?

Friend’s Mom: I’m… speechless.

Mom: (pause) You’re right. That was a little outlandish. I probably shouldn’t have lied–

Friend’s Mom: That was the most brilliant thing I’ve ever witnessed. I can’t wait to tell all the other moms! Digestion…Ha!
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©2009 tylerstanton.com. All Rights Reserved.

Technorati Tags: Wait 30 minutes before swimming

1. Favorite Video – Tetris God (also this via Bryan Allain)

2. Favorite Book – Born to Run by Christopher McDougall

3. Favorite iPhone App – Words with Friends (my username is wtstanto)

4. Favorite Site – sketchysantas.com

5. Favorite Talent – Little Jason Mraz

6. Favorite Commercial – Jack in the Box (nothing is funnier than a bowl cut)

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©2009 tylerstanton.com. All Rights Reserved.

Technorati Tags: Born to Run, Bryan Allain, Jack in the Box, Jason Mraz, Tetris

A few months ago I had an opportunity to write some scripts for a client out in LA. The hope was that he’d be able to get a big name to play the lead role, but you never really know how that’s going to turn out.

Well, I just found out that he landed Jim Rash, the dean on NBC’s Community, to play the part. I couldn’t be happier about the way this turned out. Click here or on the image below to see the video on it’s home site. It’s called Christmas Angel.

I’d love to hear what you think.
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©2009 tylerstanton.com. All Rights Reserved.

Technorati Tags: Christmas Angel, Community, Evangelize.com, Jim Rash

NOTE: I’m putting the poll from Friday at the bottom of this post incase you haven’t had a chance to vote.

The other day someone suggested that I look something up in the phone book. Like, actually go get the phonebook out of the cabinet and spend no less than seven minutes flipping through its reams of pages for a number that is too small to even read. As you might have guessed, I thought it was a joke.

I’m not sure what is being discussed behind closed doors at the Yellow Pages headquarters, but somehow they’ve decided it is in everyone’s best interest to keep pumping out phone books to every (Internet-friendly!) home in America. Though I don’t understand their reasoning, I’m thankful that they’re sticking with it. I’ve managed to find some other really great uses for phone books.

Last Minute Gift
If you forget to get a gift for someone, all you have to do is follow these four simple steps. 1) Wrap up a phone book. 2) Give it to the person. 3) When he/she acts confused and disappointed, just say it’s a joke and that the real gift is on the way. 4) Never get that person a real gift.

Free Booster Seat
Who has $30 to spend on booster seats these days? For the Stantons, a Yellow Pages and a half is the perfect height (the other half, obviously, serves as the backrest).

Song Inspiration
Like Coldplay, you could use the phone book as inspiration for one of the greatest songs of all time.

Kindling
Haven’t enough trees been killed already? I say ditch the firewood and use wadded up phone book pages instead. Sure, the fire will only last about thirteen seconds before you need to put on another page, but just think about how warm all of that ripping and wadding will make you.

Display of Strength
Now, I’m not suggesting you go around trying to prove how strong you are by attempting to rip phone books. No, I’m suggesting that you carry one around with you, find someone with 60″ biceps wearing a skin tight Under Armor shirt, and prove to him he’s not as strong as he thinks he is. Sure, you got punched, but wasn’t it worth it?

Discipline
You’re sick. You thought I was going to suggest beating someone with a phone book, didn’t you? Quite the contrary. I think a great punishment would be putting a tiny black dot next to one of the entries, closing the book, and making them listen to “Single Ladies” until they find it.

Any other great ideas for phone books?
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Note: There is a poll embedded within this post, please visit the site to participate in this post's poll.

©2009 tylerstanton.com. All Rights Reserved.

Technorati Tags: Beyonce, Coldplay, Phone Books, Single Ladies, Under Armor, Yellow, Yellow Book, Yellow Pages

Note: There is a poll embedded within this post, please visit the site to participate in this post's poll.

1. Favorite Video – Where’s Rob from Improv Everywhere

2. Favorite Website – Strange Maps and This Is Why You’re Fat

3. Favorite Stop Motion Video – This

4. Favorite Waste of Time/New Personal Hobby – Money Hats via Makezine

5. Favorite Wedding Photo – via awkwardfamilyphotos.com

6. Favorite Comedy Duo – Once again, Barats and Bereta

This is one of the sketches from the pilot they created for NBC called This is Culdesac

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©2009 tylerstanton.com. All Rights Reserved.

Technorati Tags: Barats and Bereta, Improv Everywhere, Lego Matrix, Makezine, Strange Maps, Where's Rob

What can you get for the person who has everything, you ask? Laughter. The answer is laughter. I know it’s the time of year when you’re scrambling around, trying to find the perfect gift for everyone on your list. Well, I (along with Bryan Allain over on his blog) have decided to make it easy for you.

I’ve compiled a list of the 12 items that have made me laugh really hard this year (nine really funny books, a funny CD, a yet-to-be-released book based on a funny blog, and a book that has helped me create funny). Just click on the links below to order.** Your loved ones will thank you (and mean it).

**So far I’ve made $0.00 with this blog. After logging a good 500-700 hours on it, that puts me at making somewhere in the neighborhood of $0/hour. I have tried though. After making some mistakes, I think I’ve found a good solution. I’m now part of this program with Amazon where, if you buy products through my site, I’ll receive a little compensation from each purchase.

I figure I’m making recommendations anyway, so why not create a way for you to buy them right through my site? So, click on one of the links above, or you can buy something through the sidebar widget at anytime. Seriously, thanks in advance.

©2009 tylerstanton.com. All Rights Reserved.

I have to admit – I am, quite possibly, one of the biggest Christmas music fans of all time. If it were socially acceptable, I would start listening to my Christmas playlist in mid-August. Just yesterday, I logged a good seven hours listening to the Mariah Carey Christmas station on Pandora. I’m not proud of it.

There are, however, a few Christmas songs that need to be eliminated from the face of the planet. Here’s a small sampling to get the conversation started. I know there are plenty more…

1. I Saw Mama Kissing Santa Claus by The Ronettes
(Click here to listen)

2. I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas by Gayla Peevey
(Click here to listen)

3. The Chipmunk Song (Christmas Don’t Be Late) by Alvin and the Chipmunks
(Click here to listen)

4. Christmas Shoes by Newsong
(Click here to listen)

5. Santa Baby by Eartha Kitt
(Click here to listen)

Any others that you hope to never hear again?
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©2009 tylerstanton.com. All Rights Reserved.

Technorati Tags: Christmas Music, Worst Christmas songs

“I’m Just Sayin”
This is a distant cousin of “bless her heart”. I believe the thought process is this: As long as I slap this phrase on at the end, I can say whatever brutally honest and cutting statement I want without any repercussions. Well let me set the record straight. You just said it, and yet I’m still really bothered by what you said about the “enormity” of my Adam’s Apple. I’m just sayin.

Sticky Menu
I always thought the stickiness was from the last person’s food. But 96% of the restaurants I’ve ever been to have the same policy – waiters (almost forcefully) collect the menus as soon as you’re done ordering. So…why is this menu sticky? Is something– Wait. Never mind. I’d rather not know.

“TMI”
No commentary needed. Let’s all vow to never say this again.

Really Hidden Keys
If you think you’ve found the perfect hiding spot when hiding a key, you have. Not even you will be able to find it. Doesn’t matter if it’s raining really hard or if there’s something really important inside that you need to get. You won’t be able to. The hiding spot was too perfect.

Reply All
Hmmm. All I want to do is congratulate Derek for keeping his mass email update under 1000 words (and for breaking it up into paragraphs). Should I just reply, or reply all? I don’t want him to get the wrong idea. I mean, if I reply to him only, he might not comprehend how proud I really am. And doesn’t Susan also want to know (and Kevin and Rick and Jason and 91 others)? Of course! It would be a crime to keep this between me and Derek. Reply All it is!!

Your turn. I haven’t provided the Pet Peeves platform in awhile, so I know that you’ve got some building up.

For my comprehensive list of peeves, click here, or on the A Million Peeves link above.
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©2009 tylerstanton.com. All Rights Reserved.

Technorati Tags: Pet Peeves, Reply All, TMI

I have so many things to be thankful for. I’m married to an incredible woman. I have two healthy, wonderful boys. I couldn’t dream up a better extended family. I get to do what I love for a living (or so I hope).  Life is great.

In addition to all of the things that really matter, there’s a whole list of trivial things that I’m thankful for:

1. DVR – Quite possibly the greatest invention of the decade.

2. iPhone – I will never own a different phone. I know, I know – Verizon’s service is better. Doesn’t matter.

3. Free Internet at Starbucks – Here’s how. This has enabled Starbucks to become my second office.

4. David Sedaris, AJ Jacobs, and Simon Rich – My three favorite comedy writers at the moment. They have made reading as exciting as TV for me, which is saying a lot.

5. Twitter – I can’t believe I was once in limbo as to whether or not I should do it.

6. Hulu.com -

7. Online Bill Pay – Why would anyone still write checks?

8. My White MacBook

9. Reduced Fat Cheez-Its – The single greatest salty snack in America.

10. Google Reader – Thanks Josh. This has revolutionized my time on the internet. What is it, you ask?

11. Movie Theater Popcorn – Worth every penny (all 700 of them).

12. Craigslist – The Stantons have turned selling stuff on Craigslist into a part-time job, and it’s paying off.

13. Home Haircuts – Saves us from having to spend the kind of money Tripp spends on haircuts.

14. Advil – This might be the sole reason I’ve made it through a month of running.

15. Public Library – Did you know they have free books there?

16. Fat Tire

17. Gmaps Pedometer – This site tracks mileage for us runners (I’ve been waiting to publicly call myself that).

18. Pandora and Last.fm

19. Starbucks Red Cups – These have a tremendous impact on my psyche during the winter months.

20. Texting – My personal favorite way to communicate.

21. Christmas Music

22. Barnes & Noble – The one store I could browse around for an entire day.

23. Blogging Friends – Specifically, Bryan Allain, Tripp Crosby, Jon Acuff, Kevin Keigley, Lacey Keigley, Everett Bracken, David Robertson, and Philly Osborn.

24. Loofas

What trivial things are you thankful for? Do tell.
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©2009 tylerstanton.com. All Rights Reserved.